


You've no idea how much I've changed

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Doctor Who/Emmerdale AU, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 07:04:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14732198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: “I don’t think those Dalek things know anything about plumbing.”“You should explain it to them then, might solve our problem.” Noise, that’s all he could hear, and he was running, legs burning but he couldn’t stop, had to keep going.He’d had the dream again the night before, waking up breathless, scared, head full of memories that weren’t his, even though somehow they were.It had been going on for weeks and now he knew the reason why.





	You've no idea how much I've changed

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a moodboard which you can find here  
> https://nooneelsecomesclose17.tumblr.com/post/174153639948/nooneelsecomesclose17-happy-birthday  
> and then morphed into a fic.
> 
> Emmerdale meets Doctor Who. Inspired by Robert's grey coat.

_ “I don’t think those Dalek things known anything about plumbing.” _

_ “You should explain it to them then, might solve our problem.” Noise, that’s all he could hear, and he was running, legs burning but he couldn’t stop, had to keep going. _

He’d had the dream again the night before, waking up breathless, scared, head full of memories that weren’t his, even though somehow they were.

It had been going on for weeks and now he knew the reason why.

Robert’s life was a lie, he knew that now. The happy comfortable life he’d made for himself with Aaron was all a lie. It wasn’t the real him. He wanted it to be, wanted to stay here where he was loved, where he wasn’t alone. Even now there was that feeling of loneliness inside him, left over when the other him had been taken, hidden. Why would he choose to ever go back to that?

But if he didn’t, then what would happen. They wouldn’t stop, these monsters that Gerry had told him about.

He’d thought he was making it up. After all that was the kind of thing he would do, the lovable lad that always seemed to be there. Now he knows why that is, protecting him, protecting his secret. He’d told him everything and now here he was standing outside the house he’s built,  _ they’d _ built, him and Aaron wondering how on earth he was going to break his heart.

Because he was going to have to. He didn’t have a choice, not really. He’s a Time Lord, he has to go, he has to be The Doctor, save the planet.

_ “So this isn’t me? Me and Aaron, it’s nothing?” _

_ “No. It’s real, but you’re not you. Not really.” _

He’d yelled then, telling Gerry to stop talking in riddles. His mind was still struggling with the news that the annoying teenager who slept on their sofa was anything but daft.

Whatever this thing was, the end result was that he wasn’t who he thought he was, and because of that he could lose Aaron. He’d remember, Gerry said, they both would. Whether Aaron would want anything to do with him after was an entirely different matter.

How could he do that, how could make that decision, risk leaving him behind, leaving him hurting.

_ “If I stay here, they’ll stop trying to find me eventually.” _

_ “It’s no good using reason where a Dalek is concerned.” Doug had said. To say he was surprised when Gerry had told him that the dependable, but in Robert’s opinion slightly dull, man travelled with them, would be an understatement. He just couldn’t imagine it. Then again that would explain the dreams he’d had when he’d heard his voice. “You’re the only one who can stop them.” _

_ “Well I don’t want to.” He was being childish and he could see the disapproving looks, he didn’t care. He was fed up with being told what to do. All his life people had told him what to do, his Dad, everyone. Or so he’d thought. Now he knows none of that happened, it’s just made up memories. _

_ “That’s not your choice! You’re a Time Lord.” _

_ “No I’m not. Not right now. I’m Robert Sugden and I’m in love with Aaron and I’m not leaving him!” _

He’d walked out at that point, leaving them in the flat. He’d just carried on walking out of the village until he was up in the fields, alone.  He had to think, had to make a choice and as much as he wanted to ignore them, he could tell he didn’t have much time.

Gerry told him he’d remember this, this village, Aaron, once he opened the watch. Could he do it? Could he open the watch and risk losing Aaron, the man who’d made him feel alive again, who loved him despite his faults.

Even if he’d remember everything he wouldn’t be the same, he wouldn’t be the man Aaron loves. Could he put him in danger like that? He knew Aaron, if and it wasn’t guaranteed, he forgave him, if he understood, he’d want to go with him and Robert wanted that, he did, but it would put him in danger. He didn’t need to be a Time Lord to know that. He couldn’t, would never put him in danger, even if it meant breaking his heart.

No, he knew what he’d have to do if he made that decision. It was for the best.

Then again there was no if, there could only ever be one answer.

He’s cooking tea when he gets inside, as normal as it ever was, tea towel slung over the shoulder, wiping his forehead against the steam. He swallows thickly as he steps up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“Idiot. It’s almost done. Where’d you go?”

“Just a walk, getting some fresh air. No Gerry?” He knew there wasn’t, he’d passed them outside, hadn’t said anything, just glared.

“Haven’t seen him. He’s acting odd, don’t you think?”

“Can you tell the difference?” He dodges the playful punch to his arm and leaves Aaron to dish up when he’s shooed away. He feels sick, the watch in his pocket feels like a lead weight and he just wants a few minutes more of this life, before he has to break Aaron’s heart, and his own.

Aaron’s watching him strangely as they eat. Well Aaron’s eating, he’s just pushing the food around the plate, his stomach is in knots and he can’t swallow a single bite.

“My cooking’s not that bad, is it?” The joke falls flat when he doesn’t laugh. “Robert, what is it, there’s something wrong.”

“I…finish your tea, and I’ll explain.” He knows Aaron will put his fork down, knows him too well, and he’s right. Before he knows it they’re on the sofa and Aaron’s looking at him expectantly hand holding his tightly. He doesn’t even know where to start.

The words come out slowly, stuttered and quiet and Aaron listens without saying a word. The only movement in the room is Aaron’s hand pulling away, his own feeling cold.

“If you didn’t want me, you didn’t need to come up with something so elaborate. I deserve better than some fairytale. Just be honest with me!”

“Why would I make...how could I make something like this up? Look!” He shakes his head and digs in his pocket for the watch.

“What does your Grandfather’s watch have to do with anything?”

“It’s not. This holds all of my Time Lord memories, all of me. When I open it I’m not Robert anymore. The inscriptions...Gerry said they’re my language. What do I have to gain from making this up Aaron?”

“I…” He’s just staring at the watch, almost as if he wants to smash it into dust and he stuffs it back in his pocket.“This was all a lie?”

“No! No, listen to me. I didn’t know, you have to believe that. Ask Gerry, or Doug if you don’t believe me.”

“I still don’t get what they have to do with anything.”

“I told you, they travel with me, so they said.”

“And you’re trusting them, just like that?”

He was he supposed, but why would they lie, and then there were the dreams of things so fantastical that they had to be true. He tells Aaron all this and watches as he pulls away even further.

“You’d best go then. Save the planet or whatever it is.”

“I don’t...I don’t know what to do Aaron.”

“Seems to me you don’t have much choice.” He’s trying not to cry and Robert feels tears burning his own eyes. “Go Robert. Go and do whatever it is, if this is true, and then you can come home, to me.” This was it now, he was going to break his heart, the one thing he’d promised he would never do.

“I...can’t. That’s the other…” He blew out a breath. Now the moment was here he didn’t know if he could do it. It was the right thing to do, to keep him safe, but he wanted to keep him, hold on to him, selfish as it was. He couldn’t though. “The...what made me into...what took my memories, when I get them back…”

“Robert, just spit it out!”

“I’ll forget you.” It’s instant, the pain on his face and his mind is screaming at him to take it back, to take Aaron with him and damn the consequences. “I won’t remember any of this.”

Aaron doesn’t speak for the longest time, just sits there until he springs to his feet and Robert braces himself to be thrown out or something. He doesn’t though, just paces up and down.

“Why did you do this? Fall in love with me, keep coming back, if all you were going to do was leave like this?”

“Aaron I promise you, I didn’t know. I swear.”

“Everything, all of it was just...what, made up?” He has to look away, the pain on Aaron’s face is too much.

“You and me, it’s real. What I feel for you, that’s real.”

“I’m still going to lose you though, aren’t I? Whatever you say, you’re going.”

“I won’t. If you asked me, I’d stay.”

“No you wouldn’t, otherwise you wouldn’t have said anything in the first place. I can hardly tell you not to go. If all this is true, if there’s something out there like you said, I can’t tell you not to go save the world.” He lets out a harsh laugh. “Never thought I’d be sayin’ that to you.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispers as Aaron sits on the floor next to the sofa. He slips down beside him, hands clutching at his arm, savouring every minute he has left.

“So...time travel. Only you I guess.” The joke falls flat and he just holds on to him tighter.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what? You’re only going back to what you know.”

“But right now I don’t know what that is. All I know is this, us. I won’t have you.” Aaron turns then, pulls him closer for a kiss.

“You’re Robert Sugden, you can do anything...Well, except you’re not. Oh you know what I mean.”

“If I could, I’d stay.” It’s his choice, he knows, to leave him behind, but some of the stories Doug and Gerry had told him leave him in no doubt that it’s too dangerous. He won’t risk Aaron, no matter how much it hurts.

“Yeah.” He reaches up then, at the crack in his voice, kisses him softly. 

“When?”

“Soon, they said. Tomorrow morning.” He’s selfish, wants one more night with him.

*****

It’s dawn when he wakes from what little sleep he got. Aaron’s curled up beside him as close as it’s humanly possible to be. It’s like he knows and he’s blinking himself awake within minutes. He hears the sad sigh as he obviously remembers what is happening.

“I should get up. They’ll be here soon.” They hadn’t even wanted to wait that long.

“Five more minutes.” Oh he wants to, but it won’t make anything any easier.

“I have to…” He lets him go then, and Robert’s instantly shivering. Aaron’s up and out of the room before he can say anything else.

He follows him when he’s dressed, the watch again burning a hole in his pocket. Maybe he should’ve gone last night, it would’ve been easier, but he couldn’t do it.

“Do you want tea or…” Aaron asks as he walks down the stairs.

“Don’t.”

“Sorry, not really up on the etiquette and all that…” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and stares down at the floor.

“I’m sorry.” He goes to him, takes his hands, pulls him closer. “I wanted to spend my whole life with you.”

“It was real though? I did...we did...all of this…”

“Every bit. I’ve been here since...when I arrived that was when I changed. All of it, us, it’s real.” He rests his forehead against Aaron’s, he knows they don’t have long but he can’t make himself let go. It can’t be many seconds before there’s a knock on the door and he feels Aaron shudder. “I have to go.”

“Yeah. I’d say don’t forget me but…”

“I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt you again.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t compete with the whole universe, can I?”

“ _ You do _ ...if there was another way.”

“I know. Just...be careful, yeah?” He nods, the tears burning his eyes again and then Aaron’s kissing him, pouring everything into it. When they part he smiles.

“You know.”

“I know. Go.” Aaron nods as he speaks, and it’s alright. It has to be, he’s doing the right thing, for everyone. Aaron will be safe and live his life and Robert, well he’ll manage somehow.

He hugs him tight one more time and then he goes, doesn’t say a word to Gerry and Doug when he meets them at the door. This isn’t their fault but he can’t help but wish they’d left him alone.

*****

“It’s over now. You can go back, bring Aaron with us.” Gerry, sweet Gerry always trying. He’s thought about it, almost non stop, but there’s more out there, always will be.

“It’s never going to be safe, there’s always going to be something. He’s better off without me.” He looks up from the book he’s not reading. “Aren’t you and Doug supposed to be out.”

“Nah, it’s boring out there.”

“Gerry, just because we’re not running for our lives, doesn’t mean it’s boring. There’s a whole universe out there.”

They’d beaten the Daleks in the end, and he supposed it had all been worth it. Earth was safe, for now. It still hurt though, losing Aaron, maybe it always would, and the guilt of lying to him wasn’t getting any easier, even if he knew it was the right thing to do.

“You should at least give him the chance.” Gerry pipes up again. Days like this he wondered why he didn’t drop him off at the nearest stop.

“He’d say yes.”

“So why…?”

“Because where he is, he’s safe.”

“That’s stupid.”

“ _Excuse_ _me_?”

“He might be safe, but if he’s unhappy then what’s the point. I’m going to get some food if you want any.” He shook his head, but he’d set him wondering. If Aaron is unhappy, hasn’t he failed anyway? Aaron was anything but helpless, so maybe just maybe it was worth a try.

“Gerry!” He throws the book down. “Doug!”

*****

He’s knocked on the door before it occurs to him that Aaron might have found someone else. After all it’s been over a year, his timing was still a bit off. Too late now though, he can see Aaron’s silhouette through the glass and then he’s there, unchanged, looking as good as ever.

“Hi.” He’s silent, and he’s not sure if that’s better or worse than a slap or something. “Say something then?”

“What are you doing here?” Is all he says in the end, walking away from the door. Robert follows, feeling out of place. “Aren’t you supposed to have forgotten about me?”

“I…” Now he’s here, he’s out of words. “I lied. I only did it to keep you out of harm’s way. I knew you wouldn’t let me leave alone and I want you safe. Always.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make Robert! Is it still Robert?”

“To you? Always. I did what I thought was right. I’m sorry but I’d do it again.”

“So why come back?” He’s all folded arms and stern faced and he’s beginning to think this was a waste of time.

“Because I love you, that didn’t change. I realised that I should let you decide. That’s if..if there’s not...if you haven’t.”

“There’s no one. Of course there isn’t.” He’s moving finally, closer. “What took so long then?”

“I tried to get back as close as I could, but, well she’s still a little put out that I left for so long.”

“She?” He knows that tone and he shivers. It’s not Aaron’s fault, he doesn’t know.

“The TARDIS.” He’d told him the basics before he left but he couldn’t expect Aaron to get it. No one really did until they were introduced. “I can explain...if you want to come with me.”

“To your spaceship?”

“It’s not a space…” He stops seeing Aaron’s grin. “Ha ha. I really am sorry. I aimed for a week to be safe but…well…”

“And I’m supposed to just come with you, just like that.” He’s got his arms folded and that look on his face, and he can’t work out his mood.

“Well…if you don’t want to…” He doesn’t know how to convince him, but he doesn’t know if he can leave him behind again. “I guess I’ll go.”

“Still an idiot then?” He grabs his arm, pulling him back and now he’s smiling. “You fixed it, whatever it was?”

“Yeah, well, actually it was Gerry. Turns out he’s really not as stupid as he looks.” Aaron laughs finally.

“So if I come with you, it’s safe...if you’ve come back?”

“For now. It won’t always be, and if you don’t want to...I can’t always protect everyone.”

“I’m capable of taking care of myself. So what changed? Why now?”

“I was miserable and guessed maybe you were too.”

“And what about you? When you have to go off again, save the planet or whatever it is? Will you be safe?” He bites his lip, wants to lie, doesn’t want Aaron to say he’s not coming, but he won’t, not again.

“Can’t promise that. You know I can’t.”

“I don’t know anything really, do I?”

“You know the important stuff. I’m a Time Lord, I travel in time and space. The rest you’ll pick up as we go. Oh and I’ll give you this one for nothing...might swing your decision one way or another...I’m over 900 years old.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, his face is blank and maybe it’s too much, maybe he’s blown it for good.

“Hmm, better brush up on my old man jokes.” Robert just stares at him. “What? If I believe everything else you told me, why wouldn’t I believe that?”

“I...”

‘I don’t care. About any of that. Which I would have told you back then if you’d given me the chance. If...I lost you and it hurt, more than I imagined it ever could. So, I don’t care about the danger, your age, none of it, because I get to be with you again.”

“So it’s a yes?”

“Hmm. Sounds like you need someone to keep you out of trouble to me.” With that he’s kissing him and all Robert can do is cling to him.

It doesn’t take long for Aaron to pack a bag, and text his Mum to say he’s going away for a bit. Apparently she’ll be glad, says he’s moping too much, which he denies. Robert tries telling him he doesn’t need much stuff, that he can bring him back whenever he wants.

_ “Judging by how long it took for you to come back, do you think I trust your driving?”  _ Is the only response he got.

Then he was leading him into the garden, nervous suddenly. Aaron scoffs when he sees the TARDIS, and Robert can feel her sulking almost immediately.

“Come on.”

“Robert, there’s no way…Doug and Gerry are in there?” He won’t ever tire of that look no matter how old he gets, which reminds him, that’s something else Aaron doesn’t know.

“Trust me.” He unlocks the door, pausing when Aaron’s hand cover his.

“You still look the same.” Of all the things he’d thought he’d say, that wasn’t it. 

“Yeah, it was just my memories, my DNA and that which changed, not my looks. I’m still me.” Doug says he’s more cocky now but it’s probably best not to mention that to Aaron just yet.

“I thought you’d maybe get rid of those damn shirts...not very space-y, are they?”

“Oh I see how it’s going to be. If you’re good I’ll show you the wardrobe and you can comment on  _ all _ my clothes.”

He did used to dress differently but he’d kept  _ his _ style, probably a way of keeping Aaron close. Not to mention he did look fine in that long grey coat, even if he does say so himself.

“Good, because that shirt...no.”

“Fine. Are you ready?” He pushes open the door and he hears them straight away, singing, and he rolls his eyes. Then he realises Aaron isn’t behind him and he turns back. “Come on.”

He still doesn’t move so he goes back to the doors, holding on to both of them, smiling. It never gets old. “Bigger on the inside, remember?”

“Yeah. I mean…you told me, but…” He smiles and tugs him gently inside, keeping hold of his hand.

“Ignore Doug and Gerry singing. I’d get them to stop, but she likes it.”

“She?” There’s no suspicion this time, only curiosity.

“Yeah. I told you, the TARDIS.” Aaron still looks slightly dumbfounded. “I’ll explain everything.” He kisses him, holding him close. "So where do you want to go first? Anywhere you like.” He was almost shaking with excitement and happiness, and he felt like jumping up and down like a small child.

“Well you never did take me to Barcelona.” He just laughs at Aaron’s shrug.

“Barcelona it is then. You’re gonna love this.”

“Why are you laughing? Robert? Robert!”

 


End file.
